Three things belong on a funeral flower card: one short line of sympathy, the name of the person who died or your relationship to them, and your own name printed clearly. Roughly twenty words. This card is not private mail. It travels tied to the arrangement, someone at the funeral home should write down who sent it, and the family reads it weeks later when they sit down to write thank-you notes. A wreath ribbon is shorter still, two or three words. Cindy's Flowers hand-ties sympathy arrangements in our Toronto studio and delivers across the GTA, Monday to Saturday.
What goes on a funeral flower card?
What to write on funeral flowers is a smaller job than it feels like. The enclosure card, the little card wired into the arrangement, holds three parts: a sympathy line, a name, and a signature. Most florist cards give you four or five lines of writing space, which is the entire design brief.
- The sympathy line. "With deepest sympathy." "With love and sorrow." "Thinking of your family today."
- The name. Either the person who died or your relationship to them. "In loving memory of Marion." "For a wonderful neighbour."
- The signature. Your full name, plus a clue to who you are.
Assembled, that reads: "With deepest sympathy on the loss of your father. Thinking of all of you this week. Anna Reyes."
Resist the eulogy. The memory about her kitchen, the paragraph you rewrote four times, all of it belongs in a card you post to the house. Our guide on what to write in a sympathy card handles that longer version by relationship. The card that rides along with sympathy flower delivery stays short on purpose, because it gets read standing up, in a room full of people.
Do you put your name on a card for funeral flowers?
Yes, and print it rather than signing it. The Emily Post Institute gives the practical reason: "It's necessary to record the receipt of flowers so that the givers can be thanked. Someone at the funeral home or house of worship should make a record of any flowers sent there, while a family member or close friend can keep track of flowers sent to the home of the bereaved or elsewhere."
That record is a list, written quickly, by someone who has never met you. A looping signature becomes a guess. "Love, Jen" becomes a mystery the family solves three weeks later, or never solves at all.
Three habits fix it:
- Print your full name, then add a short identifier. "Priya Anand, from your mother's Wednesday swim group."
- Sign for a household rather than listing everyone. "The Nguyens, next door."
- If you knew the person who died but not the family, say how. "I worked beside Ray at the shop on Dupont for eleven years."
It is the difference between a family knowing who stood by them and a family staring at an unsigned card.
What do you write when the flowers come from a group?
Sign as the group. The Emily Post Institute is specific here: "A group of people may pool their resources for an arrangement. If the list of names on the enclosure card is long, the senders can be identified as a group: 'The Murchison Family,' 'The Sixth Street Book Club,' or 'The Copyediting Department, Sun-Light Publishing.' Later, a card can be signed by the individuals who chipped in and then be sent to the bereaved."
So decide the group's name before you order, and hand the florist that exact wording, because twenty-two first names will not fit on a card the size of a playing card. The second card, the one everybody signs, goes a few days later, when the house is quieter.
Emily Post also sorts the arrangement by who is sending it. Floral baskets and living plants come from "friends, coworkers, and relatives" and "can be sent to the bereaved's home, workplace, or to the funeral home". Wreaths, crosses and sprays are "often sent by a group" and are "a good choice for companies and associations", shown at the funeral home or on the altar or dais at the service. If your team is still choosing the flowers rather than the words, our roundup of the best flowers for sympathy covers the palettes.
Wreath ribbons and casket sashes carry different words
A ribbon is not a card. It holds two or three words in gold or silver lettering, and it names a relationship instead of carrying a message: Beloved Mother. Our Grandfather. Loving Wife. Forever In Our Hearts. A corporate spray usually takes the company name and nothing else.
Know which piece is yours to send. Emily Post says the casket lid spray may be supplied by the immediate family, the siblings, children or grandchildren of the person who died, along with the smaller arrangements the funeral director places inside the casket. Outside that circle, a standing spray, a wreath or a basket is the usual choice, and the ribbon should say who you are rather than claim a relationship you did not have.
The sash has its own history. Inscriptions on funeral wreaths go back at least to the 1890s, and wreath symbolism itself traces back at least to Ancient Greece, where the circle stood for eternal life. By the Victorian era, cypress and willow were used to build wreath frames, both trees the Victorians associated with mourning.
One practical note: count the characters before you commit. "In Loving Memory of Our Dearest Grandmother Eileen" does not fit a standard ribbon, and the lettering gets shrunk until nobody across the room can read it.
Short lines that fit on a florist's card
Copy any of these and swap the names.
- A parent: "In loving memory of a wonderful mother. With all our love."
- A grandparent: "Grandad, thank you for everything. Sleep well."
- A friend: "For Marion, who never once let me leave without lunch. I will miss her."
- A colleague: "Remembering Ray, who taught half this shop how to work. Your friends at Fifth Line."
- Someone you never met: "We never met your father, but he clearly raised a good man. Thinking of you, Dev."
If you want the flowers themselves to carry meaning, stay with the meanings that genuinely predate the internet, and check the toxicity lists first: Pet Poison Helpline lists red poppy and snowdrop as toxic to dogs and cats, the ASPCA lists chrysanthemum, carnation and ivy as toxic and rosemary, zinnia and roses as non-toxic, and forget-me-not, everlasting, cypress and willow have no ASPCA entry, which means unproven rather than safe. Kate Greenaway's Language of Flowers, published in 1884, gives rosemary as "Remembrance.", forget-me-not as "True love. Forget me not.", everlasting as "Never-ceasing remembrance.", zinnia as "Thoughts of absent friends.", red poppy as "Consolation." and snowdrop as "Hope." Cypress is "Death. Mourning." and weeping willow simply "Mourning." Shakespeare got there first, giving Ophelia the line "There's rosemary, that's for remembrance."
Be careful with the rest. Greenaway lists white chrysanthemum as "Truth.", not grief. White rose is "I am worthy of you.", not remembrance. Ivy is "Fidelity. Marriage." Marigold is "Grief." Deep red carnation is "Alas! for my poor heart." Any other funeral meaning you read online is modern florist convention, which is fine to follow, just not in Greenaway.
The white lily is the old exception, listed by Greenaway as "Purity. Sweetness.", and it is still the Western funeral flower. Our lily arrangements follow that convention. Check for a cat first: true lilies and daylilies cause fatal kidney failure in cats, and the pollen and the vase water are as dangerous as the petals, so a household with a cat should get white roses or alstroemeria instead (the ASPCA lists alstroemeria non-toxic; the FDA notes a large amount can cause mild stomach upset). Dogs get a stomach upset from true lilies, but lily-of-the-valley and gloriosa lily, both sold under the lily name, can be fatal to a dog. Why lilies are dangerous to cats explains the rest.
What if the obituary says "in lieu of flowers"?
Take the family at their word. Emily Post's guidance is direct: "When the notations 'in lieu of flowers, please…' or 'contributions to xyz would be appreciated' appear in an obituary, take your cue from the request. You may still send flowers in addition, but if you wish to send only one expression of sympathy, follow the family's wishes and choose the contribution."
The donation needs wording too, and it is the same job as the enclosure card. Name whom it memorializes. Emily Post's own example is "In memory of Rowan McGuire." Emily Post adds two steps that make it land: put your address on the donation, and confirm with the charity that they will notify the family. Then the gift does the work a card would have done.
On timing, Emily Post says there are no rules for the delivery of flowers, but that it is good to get them to the bereaved as soon as possible, at home, at the house of worship, or at the funeral home in time for the visitation or the funeral. The same page notes that some close friends keep sending flowers to the home over the following months as a reminder of their love and concern. The bouquet that arrives in week six, once the cards have stopped and the house has gone quiet, carries a card that needs one line: "Thinking of you today. No reply needed." A seasonal mixed bouquet suits that moment better than anything formal.
For flowers meant for the service, the delivery address is the funeral home rather than the family's house, and they should be there before the visitation opens. Give the funeral home's name, the service time and the family name when you order, since one Toronto funeral home can be running two services the same afternoon. Cindy's Flowers hand-ties sympathy arrangements in our Toronto studio and delivers same-day across Toronto and the GTA, Monday to Saturday, on orders placed before 3 PM. Start with our current bouquets, then write the twenty words.
